


It's The Feeling of Being Alive

by hovercraft



Category: Fate/Grand Order, Fate/stay night & Related Fandoms
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Multiple Personalities, some spooky behavior from Hyde
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-28
Updated: 2019-08-28
Packaged: 2020-09-28 17:27:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20429717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hovercraft/pseuds/hovercraft
Summary: He’s beautiful, isn’t he? Untouchable, loyal only to his king, only if we were to get his attention, yes, get his attention, he can look at you, can’t he, Jekyll? He sees you and sees a friend, but when he sees me… a monster.Request for redrampardos on tumblr.





	It's The Feeling of Being Alive

**Author's Note:**

> I've never written Hyde before, blease forgive me.

The first time Bedivere saw Jekyll, it wasn’t really him.

It was the berserker in the other side of the mirror, the other personality he had no control over. Hyde was a beast, and it was hard to tell, even on Master’s side, if he were friend or foe. Bedivere stood behind him in battle, tearing apart monsters with nothing but a knife and the sensibility of a monster. Bedivere didn’t let anything get in their way from helping their master, but the swift movements of Hyde beside him nearly put him to shame—the berserker was an efficient killer. To see him move so gracefully, Bedivere felt almost like his sword had gotten duller.

By the time he needed to snap out of it, he nearly turned on their master—but only nearly. Bedivere had taken him by the shoulders and shaken him.

“Jekyll—Jekyll! We need you, come back…!”

For a moment, Hyde stared at him like he was going to bury his knife in that cute neck of his, but—cute neck…? Bedivere _was_ cute, wasn’t he?

“Heh heh…” The laugh would be a warning to anyone else, but Bedivere was rather confident in the armor he was wearing to block any unwanted blows. “You’re lucky that you’re pretty.”

“W- what?”

“What?”

Bedivere realized he was staring at Jekyll now, a mess with bloodstains on his shirt and pulling out his glasses to complete the illusion. Bedivere let go of his shoulders and stepped back, his master and support staring at him so curiously.

“Are you quite alright…?” Jekyll asked, suddenly worried. “Did he hurt you or say something?”

“No…” Bedivere was relieved. “No, you’re good.”

\--

Jekyll was a very kind, intuitive person.

He seemed to sense there was some confrontation between Bedivere and Hyde and sought desperately to make amends, even though Bedivere was adamant on not telling him exactly what transpired. Jekyll bore a pang of heavy guilt for what his other half would do and say, and Bedivere was quite reassuring that whatever he said, it wasn’t terrible. He hadn’t stabbed him, had he? Haha. Oh, wait, that just caused Jekyll to look even sadder, blast.

The curious case of Jekyll and Hyde was unlike anything in Chaldea—two spirit origins within one man, functioning not unlike one of the Hassans. Bedivere was warned to keep his distance, as were several other servants, but the last thing he wanted to do was place blame on Jekyll for something he couldn’t help, and so he continued to spend his time with him. Perhaps that was his mistake, and he should have left well enough alone, but Bedivere’s presence around him left for some interesting developments.

For one, Jekyll started behaving… erratically around Bedivere.

“Oh dear—” A teacup spilled on its side as his shaking hands set the tea tray down.

“Are you all right…?”

“I’m fine,” Jekyll said in that tone of voice that was clearly not fine but desperately trying to mask it. Their master hadn’t brought him out in a while, and Bedivere had no idea how his… condition manifested, or how much control he had over it. The one thing that was strange was that he only seemed to grow tense around Bedivere, despite even asking him to stay around for a while. If Bedivere didn’t know any better, he’d think he had a crush on him. The nervousness, the flustered smiles, eyes flitting over to him as they had tea. Bedivere had no memory of his time in Camelot, but Jekyll and Hyde were there. Jekyll couldn’t help but find him commendable, even if there was a strict no-talking policy on what had transpired.

More than commendable… Bedivere’s bravery and suffering for the sake of their king was something to be admired. Master often declined to use them in battle for fear of their Noble Phantasm causing him pain, but it just so happened they’d had that one fight together.

“Do you know… why Hyde called me pretty?”

“I—that is…” Jekyll couldn’t seem to find his words, which were naturally ‘because you are?’. “He’s impossible to figure out. It could just be that he was messing with you.”

“No… I feel like—” Before Bedivere could say it, he immediately hushed himself. To say that ‘Hyde had a raw honesty about him, no trickery when a knife could solve his problems’ would insinuate that he was Jekyll’s darker side and not a horrible byproduct residing in his mind. “I think he was honest.”

“Oh… well, I wouldn’t take it seriously,” Jekyll said, a tinge of red on his cheeks. Later, when Bedivere would leave, his thoughts would surface yet again, after pushing them down. A bleed through minds, loud and clear, speaking of Hyde’s interest in the young knight. He’s beautiful, isn’t he? Untouchable, loyal only to his king, only if we were to get his attention, yes, get his attention, he can look at you, can’t he, Jekyll? He sees you and sees a friend, but when he sees me… a monster, but is it so bad to be a monster? Knights and monsters are destined to fight tooth and blade against each other, how raw, how primal it would be to fight against Bedivere, to pin him to the ground—

“Enough!” Jekyll said aloud, slamming his book on the table, quieting the unspoken voice that had reared its head. It was bad enough Jekyll admired Bedivere more than he should—more than servants should allow themselves to, as temporary as they were. But for Hyde to like him… that was monstrous, that was something Bedivere didn’t deserve! After a lifetime of pain and suffering, why should he have the attention of someone who wanted nothing more than that?

He’d have to stay away from him. He’d tried, but … Bedivere always sought him out for company, and Jekyll had appreciated it so much. To give up a fastidious and sweet friend in return for keeping him safe… never had Jekyll wanted a cure more, but now, as a servant, he was doomed to never have it.

Meanwhile, Bedivere was none the wiser to the voice of Hyde.

\--

Jekyll had caught his wrist one afternoon in Chaldea, taking Bedivere by surprise.

“Excuse me… would you come with me for a moment?”

“Oh, sure.” Bedivere offered that too charming smile and happily complied, thinking what a nice change it was for Jekyll to be seeking him out instead of the other way around. He followed him past Jekyll’s room, which was odd, considering he thought the two of them would stop there for tea until Jekyll finally lead the two of them into a supply closet.

With scrutiny, Bedivere tried to discern his eye color in the dark. He was no fool, but didn’t Hyde usually behave more strangely than this…?

“Thank goodness, somewhere private, where we won’t be interrupted.”

At least he still sounded like Jekyll.

“What’s all this about?”

“Well, I just…” Jekyll’s voice started to become undone in a wheeze of apparent laughter, and Bedivere reached for the doorknob, his wrist caught by Hyde’s hand. “I just wanted to _look at you_. Nobody to bother us. Nobody to interfere. You have a sword, don’t you? You can’t possibly be afraid!”

Bedivere froze against the wall as Hyde looked at him, seemingly restrained for now. In the dim light in the storeroom’s singular lightbulb, he could see Hyde’s eyes searching him, glancing around his face as his breath grew heavy. Bedivere couldn’t possibly be more uncomfortable than at that one moment. The hand that had grabbed his wrist was now pinning it against the wall, though Bedivere’s other hand rested on the hilt of his sword, and Hyde wouldn’t have it any other way.

“That’s enough…” He growled, letting go of Bedivere’s arm, which immediately also went to the hilt of his sword as if to draw it, but Hyde only stood there, motionless, before sanity started creeping back into his voice.

“Where are…?_ Bedivere_!” Jekyll grabbed his shoulders, and Bedivere gave the deepest sigh of relief. After those tense few moments, it was great to finally hear Jekyll’s voice properly again. “Bedivere, where are we? What did he do?”

“He just wanted to look at me.”

“Look at you?” Jekyll asked in disbelief, shocked that it wasn’t more than that. He couldn’t handle Hyde in Chaldea as well as he used to, not since failing his master in the last Holy Grail War. “Bedivere, you should stay away from me. This clearly isn’t helping either of us. We’re enabling some kind of… lust… he has for you—”

“I would never turn away a friend who needed me,” Bedivere said, firmly. “And you do not help yourself by isolating yourself, Jekyll. I want to be here for you. I’m not afraid of the sum of your parts.”

“Bedivere…”

“People call me loyal to a fault,” He offered a half-smile. “But I’m not going to abandon you. I can handle Hyde. It doesn’t seem like he wants to hurt me, either.”

“At least not yet,” Jekyll said half-heartedly. Bedivere clapped a hand to his shoulder in reassurance. Jekyll wanted so badly to tell him how much that meant to him, how much it meant to have a friend who didn’t fear or resent the other half of him. Bedivere was one of the bravest people in Chaldea bar none, for all the warlords and conquerors’ boasting, none could say they lasted over a thousand years just to return to their King. He knew shaking Bedivere off for his own safety would be impossible. He just hoped Hyde lost his fascination quickly.

\--

It would be like that for quite a while.

Bedivere would be reading or cleaning or whatever menial task needed doing around Chaldea and he’d be caught off guard by Hyde, who was his usual threatening self but never seemed to pull out his knife around him. How had this obsession started? Hyde had been the one surfacing for when Bedivere revealed he was only a human before the Lion King, not a servant. Something about that clicked with him, started a frenzy in his mind. It was nothing like stalking someone in the night to kill them, but he found himself following Bedivere at a distance anyway.

Jekyll fared no better. It felt like whatever Hyde felt for him was bleeding through the threshold of their shared mind, and his affection for him steadily grew, despite knowing he should stay away. One time he couldn’t help himself, and he’d taken Bedivere’s hand into his own and kissed it, only to stammer and let go and say ‘he wasn’t thinking’. Jekyll was… cute, cute in a way that Bedivere never gave himself permission to think of others as cute. He was too duty-bound, but now that Chaldea was basically full of free time… he couldn’t help but get close.

Their master had noticed and decided to help out.

Bringing them along for gathering, Jekyll and Bedivere were an unusual choice compared to Master’s top-tier servants, but they nonetheless were able to slaughter everything that came their way. As a monster bore down on Bedivere, holding his sword up, Hyde would slash it down with such a beastly laugh that Bedivere couldn’t help but shiver.

“Don’t touch what’s mine!” He’d shriek before moving onto the next, leaving Bedivere dazed and their master utterly vexed.

“I’ve never seen him so enamored.” Ritsuka tapped their chin thoughtfully.

“You get used to it,” Bedivere said with a sigh. “I’m just glad he’s not directing that back at us.”

By the time they had gotten done with the fight, Hyde had charged over, face splashed with blood and monster viscera, and grabbed Bedivere by the chin and kissed him roughly. This, Bedivere struggled away from, and Hyde could only laugh.

“My other self is a coward! He’d never let himself do what I do, but I can tell he wants it as much as I do!”

“B—bring back Jekyll! Immediately!” Bedivere wiped their mouth on the back of his wrist, causing Hyde to laugh even more.

“If that’s what you want…” Hyde slipped back into the cloak of Jekyll’s mind, who stood there in disbelief at Bedivere, seeing the red streaks around his mouth and tasting copper, putting two and two together and putting his face in his hands.

“I can’t believe he’d have the _gall_ to--!”

“Wait just one moment, Jekyll.”

Bedivere leaned in and kissed him, taking him by surprise.

“It’s not fair that he got to kiss me and not you.” Bedivere was sheepish, but he wanted to make his feelings known. Jekyll’s glasses hung crooked on his face as he tried to fix them, feeling his heart pound out of his chest, still high on Hyde’s adrenaline and what had just transpired. Master was watching with a proud look.

“R… right… will you permit me to do it properly next time?” Jekyll asked, hoping it wouldn’t trigger Hyde back to life.

“… in private, if you would so kindly,” Bedivere said softly, taking his hand.

Lancer Artoria, who had been the third member of the party, leaned over to their master with a scrutinous look.

“Bedivere deserves better.” She said firmly.

“I don’t know…” Ritsuka said, quietly. “They’re happy, and if anyone in this world is patient enough for Hyde, it’s Bedivere.”

The Lion King only gave a brisk ‘hmph’.


End file.
